Why should we loose our identity, just because we have kids.

This is a topic, that has been on my mind for sometime.  As most of you are aware, I am nearly 36, have two kids and am a stay-at-home mum, who is completing a university degree.  One thing that I have tried so hard to maintain over the last 9 years, is my identity.   In the early days, I was like a lot of first time mums.  Definitely not the “Yummy Mummy”.  But over the years and after analysing so many other mums, I found that we need to keep some of that life we had before kids.  Of course, we have to do it in moderation now, but just because we are parents, do we have to forget US!!!! 

One of the things I loved doing when I was single was shopping till I dropped.  I was very fashion concious and any excuse to hit the shopping centres, I took.  Now once my little darlings came along, I could not do it much, so my fashion sense went out the door, and my stylish hairstyles, expensive makeup, and professionally waxed eyebrows, went by the way side.  I still kept up the eyebrows, but did them myself.  That it of course, until I was introduced to a delightful duo, that just continue to amaze me with their knowledge of what looks good on people.  These ladies are “Trinny and Susannah”  After watching their show, it started me thinking, that I was like a lot of women on their shows.  I had the family, and just did not make enough time, for myself.   This brings me to my whole point of this blog.   Why should we stop being sexy, confident, fashionable, fun loving people just because we have children.   Since watching these girls, I am going back to the old me.  I may be 10-15 kgs heavier, then I was 9 years ago, but I still feel the same way, and why not show it.   I am not a “Yummy Mummy” and never will be, but I like to still be able to do some of the things I did when I was single.

So many of the mothers at my sons school, do not have a life.  You hear them talking and not once in that conversation do you hear.  “Well today I did something for me”.  It is usually, “I went and helped hubby at work, or I picked up some new shoes for such and such, as his/her old ones are wearing down, or I helped out with reading today, and then I organised the Mothers day, and then we went to the Hi 5 concert”.   What about organising some pampering, or good old fashioned retail therapy; going out to dinner with hubby or going to a concert, that does not involve colourful skivvies.  

These are things that we desperately need to maintain for our own sanity.  Yes, we may not have as much money like we did when we were single, but we can still do these things, every now and again.   I look back at photos of my mum before us kids, and she was so slim, trendy, basically took so much pride in herself.  She supposedly had alot of fun with her friends when she was single.   Now looking at her, she dresses like a nun, has no life outside of her grandchildren, has only just started taking “Tai Chi” lessons, and getting back into her Arts and Crafts.  But all of this took till she was into her sixties.  She put us kids before everything, and as a result, when we had moved out of home, she really had no life.  This too me is not healthy.

My husband and I are not like a lot of parents, we have routines set in place, but aren’t vigilant with them.  If we want to do something for ourselves, we let the kids know, that its ”Mum and Dad time”, and they completely understand.  Well maybe not our 3 year old, but the older one does.    We adore our kids, but we also still realise we are people too, that need a life.   Our two kids, come before everything, and their needs are always meet, but our life isn’t just the kids.  We realised that in order for us to function better as parents, we need to remember who we are as Adults.  If we get swallowed up in the big giant hole called “Parenthood” and do not leave anytime for us, it is not teaching our kids to be confident, independent adults.