I write this post after reading about a young girl that was killed on Saturday about a 10 minute drive from our house. She was a promising young actress and many of you that are familiar with the “Saddle Club” will remember her as “Melanie”. She was only 17 years old and supposedly tripped and fell onto the tracks, and did not have enough time to get off, before the train approached. Well, the latest is that according to a female employee of the station, she stepped in front of the train, (This girl was known as an ”overachiever” and into everything). If this is the case, and I am not, and I stress not saying it is, but if so, are the parents of today, expecting too much, or our the kids driving themselves too hard, because of Mum and Dads attitude.
My husband and I just want our kids to be happy, and healthy. A good education is also important, but to say we are “Education Nazis” is totally off the mark. We always make sure that our eldest does his homework, and that the 3 year old is read too, or helped with her speech difficulty. But for some kids, there are parents that want their kids to excel in everything and be in everything. A prime example is when our eldest played soccer last year. He loves soccer, but is not really in contact sport. We found a team, it needed players, so we joined him up. Well, some of the conversations I heard from some of the parents at this club. Example of a conversation.
“We have Swimming Monday; Soccer training Tuesday; Violin on Wednesday; I think Thursday is free, but not for long, as is he showing interest in a program at the local community centre (more like you are), and Fridays we go to friends houses, and Saturday it is practice and Sunday, we play Soccer.” “And he also is at the top of his class at school”. “We are so proud of him and how much he has achieved”. This kid was 8 at the time.
When did this young boy have a chance, to be a kid. I remember when I was growing up, the only girl with two older brothers. We lived opposite train tracks, and our afternoons and weekends were spent playing with our mates up the road, causing all sorts of innocent trouble and then going home, completely and utterly exhausted. Yes, we had the occasional sporting or musical obligation, but majority of the time it was pure playtime. Do kids today, have that same free and easy outlook on life, or do the parents actually let them. Fair enough, the world is a more dangerous place, but to have your kids life planned out right to the letter, is not healthy.
I am getting a little bit sick and tired of news reports, about kids suicide because they cannot meet parental expectations. One of my ex-boyfriends almost suicided, because he failed Yr 12. He had been bough up in a German household and was afraid of disappointing his parents, so seriously thought about loading his fathers’ shotgun.
Not once did I feel that I never met my parents expectations. One thing about the two of them, is that they never forced us to do something we did not want to do. Maybe, they could have been more encouraging in some aspects, but they wanted us to make our own path in life, and all three of us did.
I am all for children reaching their potential and participating in extra curricular activities, but when it interferes with being a “Kid”, that is when I questions the ethics of parents. My message to parents, is to just let your kids be who they are. If they want to “overachieve”, make sure they still have that all important “time to themselves”, to reflect on why there is a difference between being a “Kid” and being an “Adult”.
To the family of that talented young lady, my condolences and to all parents of children that have felt suicide, is the only option, my heart goes out.
Till next time
Ciao.
Could not have said it better myself. Very sad about that girl. I thought it might be a suicide. Falling onto tracks just doesn’t happen. Also, read her brother’s reaction. It sounds a bit weird to me, like it was rehearsed. Strange situation indeed.
I am so suspicious of the term “overachiever.” It’s one of those silly buzzwords that quickly falls apart under scrutiny.
If one is setting realistic goals based on an honest appraisal of one’s true abilities, then it should not be possible to over achieve.
An athlete who improves upon their personal best isn’t “over achieving”, they are making what is usually a modest improvement on previous performances. Achieving a new personal best is not an every day event either as it is usually the result of prolonged and intense graft.
So when parents talk about their little “overachievers” it usually boils down to one of two things. Either the parent has set the bar so low that pretty much anything the kid does is judged a major achievement or, more insidiously, the poor kid is expected to produce an endless succession of personal bests. Either way, it’s bullshit talking.